The Sky is Falling!
by GlassSuicune
Summary: A great calamity is coming...and only an insane Human, a paranoid CAST, a tough Beast, two argumentative Newmans, and some random people from other dimensions can stop it... That's right. They have a plan...to save us all. If you value sanity, don't read.
1. Dawn of a New Adventure!

The Sky is Falling! by GlassSuicune

Note: If I owned Phantasy Star, would I be here? I do own Dawn, Venus, Zelda, Catie, Catrina, Elpizo, Quirky, Leviathan, and Waffle. Eclipse belongs to a friend of mine ( I'm not sure if he's on this site or not). Also, my knowledge of Phantasy Star is severely limited, so please go easy on me when it comes to inaccuracies.

Chapter 1: Dawn of a New Adventure!

_Four years ago..._

"How could this happen? Why, oh why, did we listen to you?"

The President and various Commanders of the GUARDIANS, a judge, as well as plenty of government officials, all stared at the five women with mixed emotions, mostly anger and confusion. The women in question consisted of a very angry-looking Beast, a Human with a yo-yo, a nervous CAST, and two Newmans who were both pointing at each other, in a 'She did it!' manner.

"Do you all even realize the uproar this will cause if the public finds out?" the President continued his rant. The Human raised her hand, her green eyes holding a curious gaze. "What do you wish to say, Dawn?" the President asked, looking annoyed. "Um...isn't Uproar a Pokemon move?" Dawn questioned.

"...Never mind..." the judge piped in, "From now on, Dawn has no right whatsoever to speak in this trial!" Everyone but Dawn and her group ( okay, minus the Beast) agreed to this. Dawn simply pouted and went back to her yo-yo. The entire case had been nothing but ranting from the various leaders, but the incident which caused all of this wasn't a simple failed mission. It was a top-secret mission based all around a hunch. Granted, one which proved to be right, but the result...was disastrous. To put it simply, they came incredibly close to bringing the Apocalypse early...not to mention nearly causing a public scare of epic proportions. And a horrible crime was also committed on the mission, so... Oi. These girls are in hot water.

"Venus." the judge spoke up firmly, and the CAST immediately looked upward. "Y-yes your honour?" she replied shakily.

"Do you have any defense for you and your teammates?"

"D-defense?"

"Yes... Defense. To put it simpler...reasons why we shouldn't have you all kicked out of here, maybe even put behind bars."

The only response he got from Venus was the loud thud caused by the android...er...fainting.

"Catie... Catrina?" the judge started, having turned to the Newman sisters, who had at this point knocked each other out ( they were so busy blaming each other for what happened, they fought over who was responsible). Sighing, he realized his only option was the Beast. "Zelda, what's your defense?" he asked. Zelda glared at him, her crimson eyes filled with rage. She then tenderly placed her fingernails on the table...

...and created the most unholy screeching noise by scratching against the metal table.

"There's your answer..." Zelda said bluntly, lifting her amazingly unharmed fingernails off the damaged table, "What else could I do? You're already convinced we committed the crime, and we've already admitted to failing the mission. Seriously, what the pineapple kind of answer do you want? Just be done already!"

Well, there was one thing Zelda knew for sure: That was the wrong answer.

In other words, they lost the trial ( despite Dawn's frequent 'Objections!' to every claim) completely.

_Present Day..._

Dawn twirled a strand of her blue hair with her finger as she stared at the ceiling, muttering gibberish. Walls and ceilings were great things to talk to. Why? They'll listen to everything you have to say, keep it a secret, and they don't ever talk back. She stopped her inner monologue when she heard one of those mean doctors with sharp needles approaching her room. She then casually pushed a big red button, and what sounded like gunfire echoed throughout the room. The doctor immediately made a break for it, obviously scared off by it.

...You can tell Dawn was put in a mental hospital, right?

_Creak..._

Dawn suddenly looked somewhat frightened, as a doctor walked in, a few minutes after the fake gunfire. But there was something he was hiding in his coat, and Dawn was pretty sure it wasn't a syringe by the way he was handling it. So, she decided to take action:

"You do realize guns aren't allowed, don't you? DON'T YOU?"

The clearly fake doctor quickly locked the door and pointed the gun at Dawn. "Finally, after four years..." he said threateningly, "We've found you and your friends! Now hold still. This will only hurt for a moment..." Dawn finally noticed the gun was a a Fire-aligned weapon. "W-wait!" she pleaded as the man prepared to pull the trigger, "Can't I have some last words? Maybe a last meal? Or a last drink at least?"

"Just be quiet and don't make it harder than it needs to be!"

"Please? I have my rights you know!"

"Just shut up already!"

"Pretty please with a cherry on top? PLEASE PLEASE..."

"FINE! Do whatever it is, then I'll shoot you..."

"You're a nice man!"

Dawn then looked around frantically, trying to think of something that could save her life. And she really doubted Lifesaver gum would do that, but it was a thought. Finally, it hit her. "Hey, nice man?" she inquired, really ticking off the obvious assassin, "You ever had Hawaiian Punch before?" Immediately the assassin went on the defensive. "What are you planning?" he cried.

"Nothing! I'm crushed at how quickly you accuse me!"

"S-stay away from me! I'll shoot!"

"Put that down for a moment! See? All I'm holding is this harmless little cup of fruit punch..."

"Harmless? It's probably poisoned for all I know!"

"Okay, I admit it... I lied..."

BAM!

"That was the Hawaiian Punch I was thinking of giving you, anyway."

Dawn then sipped the real deal, having punched the living daylights out of the guy, thus knocking him out. She then vaguely noticed what appeared to be a data card while searching for the card to unlock the door in his doctor coat. Curious, she grabbed it and examined it, realization dawning ( oh my, the puns) on her.

"This is one of those CALAMITY freaks who framed us, got us kicked out, so they could continue their plan to awaken Dark Falz! And this card...oh sweet pineapples! THIS FIXES EVERYTHING!

Dawn then realized what she had to do. She had to break out of this hospital and go after CALAMITY! Before bedtime! And with that, she yanked the doctor's coat off the unconscious Human, put it on, then proceeded to make herself look like one of the many doctors in this place. Then she made a break for it, while the Hallelujah chorus echoed in her head. Surprisingly, none of the real doctors noticed her ( believe me, her doctor disguise was very sloppy; they should've known it was of their many patients trying to break out).

_Later..._

"Piece of delicious chocolate cake!" Dawn exclaimed as she strategically hid behind a palm tree, having escaped the mental hospital, "Now... To catch a ride on a spaceship, and onward to CALAMITY!" Every Beast, Human, Newman, and CAST walking around noticed the crazy woman and stared at her, wondering if they should call the authorities. Luckily for her, none did.

As one of the ships bound for the planet CALAMITY made their home on prepared to leave, Dawn slowly approached it with expert stealth, all-the-while humming the Mission Impossible theme. The people in the area still stared at her, and saying they looked disturbed would be an understatement. As Dawn prepared to get into the spaceship ( seriously, where are the guards for Pete's sake?), she froze.

"W-wait..." she started, visible smoke coming out of her left ear as she thought rationally, "I can't take these guys on by myself! I need to go after them with my friends, and we shall defeat them with the power of TEAMWORK!"

Everyone in the area promptly fled said area, unwilling to endure the clearly whacked woman anymore.

"Now, the big question is..." Dawn started, completely oblivious to how empty the place was now, "Who shall I reunite with first?" She then noticed a ship bound for Parum preparing to leave ( I am going to assume either its occupants got on before everyone left, or the thing's on auto-pilot). "Heh, why not?" Dawn muttered, "I'm gonna need a disguise though." She then spun in a circle so fast it looked like she had become a tornado. When she was done, she was dressed as an old CAST that wore blue armour. She then got into the ship as it set sail for the nearby planet.

_At the GUARDIANS Branch in Parum..._

The receptionist stared at the oddity in front of her. "What is it you have come for, Miss?" she finally managed, as Dawn stared her down. "I am looking for my baby sister Venus," she answered, trying so hard to sound cold and calculated, "She's a Ranger."

"CASTs don't have families... And there is no Ranger here under that name."

"Of course they do not, and of course there is not! It is the feeling that counts! I am the same model as she, but as you can see, I am much, much older. We are like sisters. Now please, is there any CAST by the name of Venus here?"

"Actually, there is..."

_Somewhere else..._

"Nobody knows the trouble I've seen..." the red-haired CAST sang softly as she carefully mopped the floor, "Nobody knows my sorrow..." She then stopped drowning in self-pity when a rather awkward-shaped shadow was cast upon the floor. "...Huh?" she managed, seeing who made the shadow, which caused her lime green eyes to widen in absolute terror, "...You! S-stay away from me!"

"Venus!" Dawn cried pitifully, no longer in the costume, "Come back!" She then pursued the terrified blue-armoured android with reckless abandon. "Go away!" Venus cried as she hid behind a desk, "Leave me alone! You've caused me nothing but trouble, you organic FREAK!"

"I'm sorry Venus! I only came to shed some light on your pathetic existence!"

"WILL YOU GO BACK TO THE DARK ABYSS FROM WHICH YOU CAME ALREADY?"

Venus frantically looked around, her hands firmly on the desk. If she leaned to the left, so did Dawn. It was the same with the right. Finally, she attempted to confuse Dawn by pretending to go the right, but instead made a break for it to the left. "Venus!" Dawn wailed, "COME BACK!" Venus only responded by screaming, quickly hiding in a closet and locking herself in it without Dawn noticing.

Venus didn't bother to alter her vision so she could see in the very dark closet. She instead remained as quiet as possible, hoping Dawn would give up. She then held her metaphorical breath when she felt someone touch her shoulder. "Venus..." Dawn whispered, having somehow made it into the closet first, "Please listen..." Venus was about to scream, when the light was suddenly turned on.

"Ack!" a blonde-haired Newman cried, "Can't we get some privacy here?" Venus and Dawn looked at her, then noticed the two CASTs with her. They were all working on some strange device that really looked a hand-held gaming system. "Um...who are you guys?" Dawn inquired, ignoring Venus backing into the wall to get away from her and the strangers. "I'm Leviathan!" the icy blue-armoured female CAST exclaimed. "I'm Quirky!" the black-armoured male CAST said cheerily. "...And I'm Elpizo..." the pink-clad Newman groaned in annoyance.

"What're you guys doing in here?" Dawn asked, "Better yet, how'd you get here?" Elpizo sighed. "We were fighting a monster kraken in a swamp, and the next thing we know, we're transported here," she answered, "We suspect it has something to do with that weapon my brother Waffle had..."

"...Kraken? Are you guys from Phantasy Star Zero?"

"Yes, we are, but-"

"Be gone! Your very existence in this dimension will cause the universe to tear at the seams and implode!"

"Look... We want to go back to our dimension just as much as the next guy, but our Plot Hole Creator is busted. We came in here to fix it without anyone noticing. It should take us about a week to fix it."

"Maybe longer!" Leviathan piped in, "We like it here!" For whatever reason, Quirky then pulled a flute out of nowhere and blew into it, creating the most shrill sound ever for what seemed like an eternity. After the torture ended, and everyone's hearing slowly recovered, Dawn spoke up, "Uh... I need to talk with my friend here. You don't mind, do you?" All three shook their heads. "Go ahead!" Quirky replied, still holding the blasted flute, "We can keep secrets!"

Dawn then turned to Venus, who still looked terrified. She then pulled the card out. "See this?" she asked, "This is a card to get into CALAMITY's facility! We can clear our names and regain our ranks now!" Venus had to marvel at the child-like logic Dawn used. "Um...what?" she inquired, "What is CALAMITY planning to do after all these years of inactivity?"

"Why, continue their plan to awaken Dark Falz of course! And he...she...it...whatever...is going to make Chicken Little's worst nightmare come true!"

"After four years? How long does it take to wake that monster up?"

"I have reason to believe they are going to do it using a broken metal detector, a rocket launcher, a statue of a clown, and one hundred-thousand pounds of marshmallows."

"You're kidding right?"

"No, it's quite logical. Obviously collecting all those marshmallows has held them back all these years!"

"Can you please explain how using _any_ of those items to awaken Dark Falz is logical?"

"Well... I believe they're going to use the metal detector to find the beast, use the rocket launcher to open up a path to reach him, make him angry with the clown, and use the marshmallows to turn him over to their side. Either that, or they're going to recreate the Mr. Staypuft guy from Ghostbusters with the marshmallows and have him battle Dark Falz."

Dawn and Venus then noticed Elpizo, Leviathan, and Quirky staring at them with their jaws open. Elpizo managed to regain her composure and said to her teammates, "This is clearly a demented dimension..." Dawn then yelled, "We never said _you_ had to like it!"

"Whatever..."

"Elpizo... Do you think Waffle's okay?" Quirky suddenly asked, "He is still in our dimension, after all..." Elpizo blinked. "Well..." she started-

-We interrupt Elpizo to bring you this important news story:

A green-haired Newman with a waffle-cone on his head screamed like a little girl as he ran away from the kraken, while Kai and Sarisa stared at him blankly. The kraken roared in rage and climbed out of the water and pursued the poor guy. "Run Waffle! RUN!" Kai cried, "RUN LIKE THE WIND!" He and Sarisa then watched as Waffle and the kraken disappeared into the horizon, a group of Rappies carrying banjos and fiddles following somewhat eagerly. I'm not even going to attempt to figure this out. I don't think you should, either.

And now back to our previously scheduled program.

"...I'm sure he's fine." Elpizo finished, her rather calm expression unwavering. "I don't know..." Quirky replied, "I have a bad feeling about this..."

"He's a brave kid. If SpongeBob can't destroy him, nothing can."

"I suppose you're right..."

Then, for some reason unknown to man...mutant...elf...android...the room suddenly disappeared and they were all stranded in a desert.

"My bad!" Leviathan cried, holding up the Plot Hole Creator, "I turned it on by accident!" Elpizo and Quirky both performed a tactical facepalm. Leviathan pouted slightly, then her silver eyes grew huge. "Who's that?" she inquired, pointing to a black and red figure walking through the desert, towards them no less. As it came closer, it turned out to be a female CAST with a huge gun, and some silvery wing-like things near her back. She examined the group carefully, eyes paying attention to every single detail, which made Venus incredibly nervous, whereas Elpizo and Company chose to shift uncomfortably. Dawn was too busy doing what had caught the newcomer's attention to care. Finally, the CAST spoke:

"What are you guys doing sitting a perfect circle around a campfire in a desert, like you're worshiping the marshmallows that Human is roasting? And just _what_ is with that device that looks like the unholy offspring of a mutant DS and deformed PlayStation Portable?"

Suddenly Leviathan looked very offended, and held the Plot Hole Creator close to her power core. "She didn't mean it baby... Shh..." she whispered softly, "It's okay... Mommy's here for you..." Quirky and Elpizo scooted a few inches away from Leviathan, looking disturbed. Dawn chewed thoughtfully on a marshmallow, then declared, "You know what we need? A campfire song!" she then sang, "_I've got a banjo_!"

"NO!" Venus screamed in terror, digging a ginormous hole in the ground to hide ( she was also burying poor Elpizo under the sand that went flying), "Anything but that!" Quirky then looked at the heap of sand which now buried Elpizo, looking worried. "Elpizo?" he inquired, breaking a piece of cactus off, well, a cactus, and poking the heap, "You alive?" He continued poking, until the piece of cactus hit something and got stuck. Namely, a ticked off Newman who wanted nothing more than to get revenge on the CAST who pricked her. Seriously...Quirky should've known better...

While Elpizo beat the daylights out of Quirky, the CAST took a few steps back. "Am I the only one who's sane?" she asked her Mag, not really expecting an answer, but she sure as bananas wasn't going to ask any of these weirdos. "By the way, what's your name?" Leviathan spoke up, "I'm Leviathan, the Newman who's beating up my friend Quirky is named Elpizo, that crazy Human is Dawn, and the other CAST is Venus."

"Fascinating, and my name is Eclipse. Now, if you don't mind, I am going to leave now."

"Aww... Why so soon?"

"Monsters tend to follow me." _'Plus... I don't think hanging out with you guys will help my sanity any.'_

A roar was heard, and Shambertin of all monsters rose from the ground, sending Venus flying, and she promptly crashed on Dawn, who really didn't notice. Now, this monster should be a dead giveaway as to where Eclipse came from, but if you're like me and are a newbie, she came from the wondrous land of Phantasy Star Online ( and surprisingly, the universe is still intact). Elpizo and Quirky stopped fighting, both of them in very awkward positions ( think of cartoons like Looney Tunes and Tom & Jerry, when the characters stop fighting; it's literally like you paused a TV show or something).

Eclipse stared at Shambertin long and hard, looking very bored. "...I'm not even going to ask how you managed to fit into that tiny Plot Hole that swallowed me up," she groaned, "That's a Plot Hole _within_ a Plot Hole... I never signed up for _any_ of this..." She then shrugged and readied her gun, looking at the other guys. She didn't really want them to assist ( she questioned their sanity too much), but she was more-so interested in their reaction.

"Venus!" Dawn exclaimed, "Let's help fight this thing! We can do it! Venus? VENUS!" Said CAST was running away at top speed, screaming very shrilly. Dawn then turned to Eclipse. "I will help take down this beast!" she declared, pulling a tricycle and a pizza box out of nowhere, "_After_ I deliver this pizza!" She then got on the tricycle and road off into the horizon. Venus' cowardice Eclipse had sadly expected, but Dawn's pizza delivery moment wasn't expected, though she did expect stupidity. Preparing herself, Eclipse looked at Elpizo and Company ( Elpizo and Quirky were now standing like normal people).

Elpizo smirked, flicked her bangs out of her face in a very haughty manner, and readied her saber, while a gust of wind picked up and blew her blonde hair and pink trench coat in a rather epic manner. Eclipse resisted the urge to facepalm at the arrogant Newman. "I like music." Quirky said somewhat randomly, pulling out his flute and blowing into it, deafening everybody, including Shambertin. After everyone's hearing returned ( though Shambertin was now coiled up in pain), Quirky put the flute up and pulled out a saber, readying it. "You ish special." Leviathan blurted out, pulling a yellow smiley face sticker out of nowhere and slamming it onto Quirky's head, before getting her gun out.

Eclipse knew one thing for sure: She was going to avoid these guys like they were a biohazard.

Note: Remember what I said what canonical inaccuracies? Well...forget what I said! O.O This story is Swiss cheese anyway with all the intentional Plot Holes. Now, for the fun of it...

SUBJECT 1 ZELDA: Generic tough girl who hates everything. Based on Princess Zelda from The Legend of Zelda, quite obviously. *hit with pie* Age: 25.

SUBJECT 2 DAWN: Generic insane person on steroids. Inspired by Dawn from Pokemon and Murdock from The A-Team. Oh, and Bugs Bunny from Looney Tunes. Seriously. Age: We _believe_ she's 19, but no one can confirm nor deny...not even her.

SUBJECT 3 VENUS: My Phantasy Star Portable character, who was based on my MegaMan X fan character of the same name. They are not alike in any way other than name, weapon of choice, armour, hair, and eye colour, though. This Venus is a parody. Yes, I parodied one of my own characters. Age: 12.

SUBJECT 4 CATIE: Generic mad scientist and generic argumentative twin Number 1. Age: 16.

SUBJECT 5 CATRINA: Generic lab assistant and generic argumentative twin Number 2. Age: 16.

SUBJECT 6 ELPIZO: One of my two characters from Phantasy Star Zero, who was a parody of a MegaMan Zero character named Elpizo ( and that Elpizo was a guy ^^;). Age: 18.

SUBJECT 7 LEVIATHAN: My other PSZ character, who was a parody of another MegaMan Zero character named Leviathan ( and this Levi was a girl, so it isn't awkward in the least). Age: 8.

SUBJECT 8 QUIRKY: A dude. He happened because all of my characters were dudettes, and I felt I needed a dude. So...yeah. Age: 8.

SUBJECT 9 WAFFLE: This guy was made from the leftovers of my creativity. In other words...the junk parts I didn't use before. ^^; Poor Waffle. And don't ask about the name. I have no idea why I called him that. Age: 13 ( yes, I'm serious).

SUBJECT 10 ECLIPSE: My friend's character on PSO ( maybe some other games; I don't remember). To me, she's the epic character. Anyways, I put her in because I needed a sane character, and my friend wanted to see her appear in a fanfiction. It worked out great, don't you think? XD Age: I don't know...

Anyways...likey or no likey? Also, aside from the super-secret leader of CALAMITY and Dark Falz, these ten characters are our main cast in this story of friendship, 'suspense', insanity, and many, many marshmallows.


	2. Do the Beat to the JailHouse Rock, Man!

Note: Oi, Phantasy Star belongs to SEGA peoples! Why must I say this? *sees lawyers* Oh yeah... Anyways, enjoy the insanity... If you make it through this alive...I has no reward for you...sorry... D:

Chapter 2: Do the Beat to the Jail-House Rock, Man!

After the epic battle with Shambertin that was so epic I simply can't put it into words lest my brain and other people's brains explode from the sheer epicness, the group of weirdos plus Eclipse made a truce... They would work together to defeat CALAMITY, and then Eclipse and Co. would return to their respective dimensions, and pretend none of this ever happened. It was an intriguingly cliché compromise, but as this story isn't meant to be super original, I don't see how it matters.

Naturally, this would lead to them traveling across the Gurhal System, so we gotta know what their mode of transportation is, right? RIGHT? Well, I'll show you guys even if you don't want to know!

"W-what is that thing?" Venus shrieked, staring at the abomination that dared to call itself a spaceship. "...Seriously?" Eclipse scoffed, "Is this even a spaceship? It looks like a giant soda can that got put into a trash compactor and lived to tell the tale. Are you sure this thing will fly, _especially_ with the price you bought it for? Wait! Never mind. I'll find my _own_ way to Moatoob! See you freaks later." And with that, the CAST stormed off, carrying her gun, an odd look of boredom on her face.

Gal Gryphon suddenly swooped down and snatched her, carrying her off into the horizon, before suddenly crashing ( my guess is Eclipse whammed it on the head or something).

Ignoring what just happened, Venus stared at the soda can spaceship monster thing (SCSSMT, got it?), her mechanical body shaking so much it's a wonder it didn't fall apart. "Where in Bananaville did you get this thing?" she finally squealed in horror, envying Humans, Newmans, and Beasts for their ability to shed tears, enhancing their misery. "I dunno, I bought it off of Ebay for like, five Meseta." Dawn promptly answered, having told only Eclipse that very crucial information beforehand.

"...IS THIS THING EVEN _SAFE_ TO FLY?"

"I'm flying it! OF COURSE IT'S SAFE!"

Venus then fell to her knees and curled up into a pathetic blue ball of metallic and cybernetic misery. Elpizo stared at her with her green eyes wide with fright. They widened even more when she looked at the SCSSMT. She then swallowed hard and looked at Quirky and Leviathan, who were clinging to each other, shaking in their boots. "May the Force be with us..." she said miserably, as Dawn pried open the door to the SCSSMT ( wait...there was a door?), before walking in, and having a red carpet roll out of said doorway. Cool, they get the red carpet treatment to what will likely end badly...

Gulping, Elpizo walked into it first, while Quirky and Leviathan fought their inner cowards as they dragged Venus kicking and screaming into the spacecraft.

"You okay Quirky?" Leviathan inquired, as Quirky had literally buckled himself in upside down, and the fact that Dawn had managed to make the thing go into a permanent hot-dog roll probably made his situation worse. Venus was too busy burying her head in an empty trash can to do anything, though she looked like she was about to be sick to her stomach, which would be freaky considering CASTs don't even have stomachs... And Elpizo was busy covering her head with her hands and assuming a near fetal position, all-the-while telling herself she would survive.

All in all, it was a very scenic journey. They passed by the Ancient city Atlantis, the Enterprise, Sonic the Hedgehog chasing Chaos Emeralds in a spacesuit, Krypton, the Great Pie, a huge space tumbleweed ( made up of asteroids), Mario riding his racing kart in a spacesuit, Optimus Prime having an epic battle with Megatron, a blue telephone booth, and oh sweet pineapples, is that the Death Star? Anyways, other than the tumbleweed ( there's nothing special about it), I dare you to name everything I referenced in this paragraph that does nothing but make the story longer and cause more brain damage!

...What the blazing pineapple did I just write? Meh, whatever, it can stay as long as it doesn't make a mess.

"INCOMING!" Dawn cried as they entered the atmosphere of Moatoob, the unlucky passengers hoping beyond hope that the SCSSMT would make it through ( it barely it made it out of Parum's atmosphere). "If this is the end..." Leviathan started, "Whoever built me... You rock, man!" Dawn then flipped various switches, pushed every button, and a marshmallow, yes, a marshmallow came out of the landing gear hatch, growing bigger and encasing the spacecraft, protecting it from the harsh heat, and the awesome landing which I can't help but give a perfect ten!

"What just happened?" Elpizo blurted out, sitting upright. "Stuff...is what happened." Quirky replied, trying to unbuckle himself. Leviathan promptly blasted the buckle, freeing Quirky. Venus looked up from the trash can. "We're...still in existence?" she inquired, her expression nothing short of awestruck. After taking a few short minutes to get their brains back together, the four noticed that Dawn was mysteriously not in the ship. They then walked outside, seeing her eating what remained of the marshmallow.

"...What are you doing?" Elpizo asked, looking very disturbed. "Eating what remains of the fried and debris-covered marshmallow!" Dawn cried, more or less ignoring what I said and adding some stuff, "Want some?"

"...No thanks. I value my health too much."

"Suit yourself."

Ignoring the Human, Elpizo then looked at the surrounding area, which was a desert filled with...sand and rocks. Lots of sand and rocks. Oh, and monsters of all kinds that probably thought the Human and Newman looked tasty, whereas the CASTs looked like something that would be very unpleasant to chew on. Elpizo swallowed hard, realizing that Dawn was their only real hope if they wanted to find civilization ( she knew that Venus wouldn't lead under any circumstances). And she wasn't a very large hope, either.

After Dawn had devoured the marshmallow, she walked in front of the four. "Now, I'm sure you're wondering how we're going to get to civilization, correct?" she inquired, and then continued without so much as a nod, "Well, have no fear! I, Dawn the Awesome, am here! And I know this desert like the back of my-Hey! How'd that get there?"

Elpizo regretted not signing her last will and testament when she had the chance. If she didn't come back...who would keep Waffle away from sharp objects and other dangerous things? Certainly not Kai and Sarisa; they were scared to death of Waffle. But it was far too late for regrets..._far too late._

"She'll be comin' 'round the mountain she comes!" Dawn sang, horribly off-key, "She'll be comin' 'round the mountain when she comes! She'll be comin' 'round the mountain, she'll be comin' 'round the mountain WHEN SHE COMES!" Elpizo pushed harder against the sides of her head in an attempt to protect her ears. "If she doesn't finish coming around that mountain..." she seethed, "Someone is going to get hurt." Quirky and Leviathan gave their leader a wide berth after that, whereas Venus walked even faster than she had been. They were all torn from whatever their thoughts were when Dawn stopped singing and screamed at the top of her obviously well-built lungs:

"CIVILIZATION IS UP AHEAD!"

And with that, Dawn dashed towards the city like a kid going to see The Incredible Hulk ( very excited, and ignoring everything else around her; look, I witnessed this behavior first-hand), leaving Elpizo and Co. dumb struck.

After a few minutes, they miraclously made it to the city, where Eclipse was waiting. "It's about time you got here..." she groaned, "I've been waiting here for _hours_. If you were going to take this long, why didn't you just tell me what our business here was, and I could've already taken care of it!" Quirky then cocked his head quizzically. "Wait... How'd you get here before us?" he asked, "And so fast, too?"

"...I have my ways... Now please, why are we here, in this land full of over-caffeinated mutants?"

The group then noticed more or less every Beast holding a cup of coffee and drinking it, oblivious to the whole world around them. "That's...creepy." Elpizo said bluntly. Ignoring the oddities, Dawn then enthusiastically cried, "We're here to help my friend Zelda!"

"Zelda, eh?" Eclipse inquired, "Well, while I was waiting, I decided to hack into the database here. Awful security, I might add. Anyway, I found a Beast by the name of Zelda, who was in prison. This the Zelda you're talking about? Please say yes..." Dawn nodded eagerly. "We have to break her out!" she cried, then colour drained from her face, "But _how_?"

"I have an idea."

Eclipse then walked up to a Beast who was wearing a prison guard uniform, promptly bumping into him 'by accident', swiping the data card to get inside the prison from his pocket and walking away. He did not seem to notice, and sipped his coffee in contentment. Eclipse walked over to her group, then looked at him. "Seriously?" she scoffed, "That guy didn't notice me? Is the world _invisible_ to him?"

"At any rate..." Elpizo spoke up, shrugging, "We should head over to the prison... Where's Venus?" Dawn then walked over to a barrel and kicked it real hard, sending said CAST flying, screaming the entire way. Venus then landed on some random Newman who, for whatever reason, was gawking at all the Beasts drinking coffee in pure oblivion. To say the standing there was her undoing might be an understatement. Now, because you're probably thinking the wrong thing...the random Newman's just fine. Until she sees the hospital bill, that is.

"M-my back... My everything..." the Newman whimpered, as Venus warily took in her surroundings and got off of her, allowing her to crawl out of the area. Venus suddenly screamed a shrill, obviously metallic scream when she finally realized she was no longer in that nice, safe barrel of safety. She then bolted off to the side, and as she delved deeper into the city, she ran smack into the prison, effectively knocking herself out.

"Well, at least Venus is good at _something_..." Eclipse sighed, "She located the prison." Dawn then looked very, _very_ offended. "Venus is an awesome Ranger!" she protested, "Wait'll you see her in action! It'll leave you awestruck like when Luigi sees a Boo Ghost!"

"...I'm already shaking in my boots..."

"You better be!"

Eclipse rolled her eyes and walked in the direction of the prison, all-the-while planning how they were going to break Zelda out and escape in one piece. She noticed Quirky had his blasted flute out, and a devious smile crept upon her metallic face.

_Later..._

Two Beasts, a man and a woman, were standing guard at the prison gate, drinking coffee, when a black-armoured CAST who, if they had even bothered to look, had a face they had never, ever seen before ( and they had seen many faces) walked up to them, carrying a flute. They looked up slightly, then grunted and went back to their coffee. Quirky blinked, then put the flute to his mouth and blew into it as long as his...whatever passed for lungs would allow, effectively rendering the guards unable to do anything constructive.

"Hmph!" Quirky scoffed, "No appreciation for fine music!" he then looked at his flute, stroking it lovingly, "But don't worry... The sound you make is sweet and smooth!" Eclipse and the others came up to him, noticing the guards busy fighting migraines. Venus winced at this, whereas Eclipse sighed. Elpizo and Leviathan were too busy staring at Quirky, who was busy being, well, quirky...

"Does he always act like that?" Eclipse suddenly asked, as Venus volunteered (was forced) to go slide the card into the reader to unlock the gate. "For the most part, yeah," Elpizo replied, "He loves music. Personally, I find that a peculiar trait for a CAST, but meh. He's a very helpful Hunter, and in the end, that's all that matters..."

The gate opened, but Venus hadn't come out of the tower yet. "Venus!" Dawn cried, "Come on! We gotta go rescue Zelda!" Venus stared at Dawn, looking like she was shivering. "I-I can't come down!" she cried, "I'm afraid of heights! Gah... My processors feel like they're spinning... Ohh..."

"Forget what I said about Quirky," Elpizo blurted out, "He's perfectly...perfectly normal." Eclipse glared fiercely at Venus, letting it be known that she would shame the CASTs no longer. "_Venus_..." she said venomously, "Get. Down. Here. Or. I'll. Shoot. That. Tower. Down." Venus stayed stationary, terrified though unconvinced Eclipse would go through with the threat...

There's a lesson to be learned here: Never, ever, underestimate an android whose behavior is equivalent to that of a coiled cobra, just waiting to strike.

"Eclipse..." Elpizo grimaced as they walked throughout the prison, the guards not even acknowledging them, "You just destroyed what was most likely government property..." Eclipse looked at her. "So?" she snapped, "They're probably way too busy to even notice the existence of these prisons. They'll never notice it's missing until they're done wasting money and resources on other, albeit most likely pointless stuff."

"That's a very blunt way to put it..."

"I'm an_ android_. I _invented_ blunt."

"Okay okay. Sheesh..."

"Ah...we're here," Quirky suddenly spoke up, "Dawn, Venus, she's your friend, right? You handle it!" Eclipse looked at him with a sour expression, but decided he was right. She then handed Venus the card ( she may have a coward, but Dawn wasn't trustworthy for anything). Dawn then casually knocked on the metal door.

Okay, I lied. She banged on it to Bananaville and back.

"IS THAT YOU DAWN?" Zelda suddenly screamed in rage, "I'LL GET YOU!" Dawn allowed a moronic grin to creep upon her face. "She's happy to see me!" she declared happily, as Venus slid the card into the reader. Zelda roared like a lioness, grabbed Venus and pulled her into the cell, closing the door. A few seconds later, she opened the door and pulled Dawn in, closing it once more. All sorts of stuff could be heard breaking, namely dishes and other fragile items...which makes no sense, but I digress. Since when has anything that's happened in this story so far made any sense? I rest my case.

After Zelda finished beating up two of her former teammates, she shoved them both out of the cell unconscious ( or in sleep mode, in Venus' case), then walked out of it herself, reaching into a small Plot Hole and pulling a big, scary saber out of it. She then locked eyes with Quirky, who looked nervous. Her intense glare motivated him to put his flute away. Her gaze then moved to Leviathan, who was smiling like a freak. Said android's grin was wiped clean off her face when she made eye contact with Zelda. Still not satisfied, the Beast turned her attention to Elpizo, who had a rather haughty smirk on her face. Zelda intensified her glare, and the elf's lips promptly went neutral, thus erasing the smirk.

Then Zelda locked eyes with Eclipse. I am not joking when I say they stared each other down for a solid hour, neither showing any signs of cracking.

"I have this feeling you and I will not like each other very much," Eclipse stated plainly. "Hmph, just don't get in my way and we'll be the _best_ of friends." Zelda growled.

"Whatever."

"Same to you."

Zelda then glanced at Elpizo and Co. again, growling at them. Quirky and Leviathan both screamed and jumped into Elpizo's arms like Shaggy, Scooby-Doo, Velma, and Daphne did to Fred on a case-by-case basis. Elpizo let out a very squeaky shriek and fell over, the two's combined weight overwhelming her frail body. Zelda snickered at them, her red eyes clearly showing she did not think much of them. She then looked back at Dawn, who sprang to life almost immediately and hugged her.

"I missed you so much Zelda!" Dawn cried cheerily, "Did you miss me?" Zelda stared at her, trying to get her off. "No, not really." she promptly said.

"You're the _bestest_ best friend in the whole wide galaxy!"

"I'm not your best friend... And 'bestest' is _not_ even a word."

"If it isn't, how come the spell-check hasn't underlined it?"

"Because the authoress of this caper added it to her 'dictionary' as a word."

"H-hey now!" Elpizo cried painfully, Quirky and Leviathan still on top of her, "Breaking the fourth wall is dangerous!" Venus suddenly jumped up, active once more. "Someone broke the fourth wall?" she shrieked, hiding in some random barrel that had appeared out of nowhere. Zelda scoffed at her. Eclipse then sighed. "Something tells me breaking the fourth wall is deadly..." she muttered dryly. Everyone but Zelda and Eclipse froze when a rather high-pitched voice squealed:

"HEY PEOPLES!"

"Oh great..." Elpizo groaned as Quirky and Leviathan got off of her, "_She's_ come..." A humanoid Suicune in a pink robe came running towards them and promptly stopped, while making car noises. She even got the attention of the Beasts, who had been ignoring our heroes the entire time. "Who are you?" Eclipse asked, not looking very amused. "Who am I?" the Suicune inquired, "Why, I am GlassSuicune, the authoress from behind the computer screen! I couldn't help but notice you guys broke the fourth wall without a license, so I came down to say hi!"

Everyone but Dawn stared at her with their mouths agape.

"However, breaking the fourth wall without a license is a horrible crime, so I also have come to punish all of you guys. My sincerest apologies for what I am about to do..."

Glass set off the alarm, then ran off and disappeared. The alarm blaring caused the Beasts to abandon their coffee and actually take care of the intruders. And they did it in a rather efficient manner. Namely, they pulled out all kinds of ginormous guns and swords, pointing them all at our heroes while surrounding them, effectively preventing any kind of escape-

-BREAKING NEWS ALERT:

"There appears to be a teenager running away from a giant kraken...on land, no less," some random dude with a camera said, filming the whole thing, "My goodness... Someone should help that poor kid-OH MY GOSH THEY'RE HEADED THIS WAY!" The pointy-eared boy ran by the dude with the camera in sheer terror, and the latter ended up whacked with one of the kraken's tentacles, and fell to the ground unconscious. The camera was still filming, however, and it seemed obvious the kraken was continuing its pursuit of Waffle. Afterwards, banjos and fiddles could be heard, but who was playing them could not be seen as a calico cat had chosen to lick and bite the camera screen, blocking out anything and everything else.

Well...that was riveting. Moving on...

"You are all under arrest for breaking into a prison and trying to break out a prisoner!" one of the guards declared, "You have the right to remain silent! Anything you say can and _will_ be misquoted and used against you!" Elpizo stood up weakly and looked at them. "Wait...what?" she started, "That didn't even make sense. If I said I had a flashlight that was like dynamite would you-"

"SHE HAS A STICK OF DYNAMITE DISGUISED AS A FLASHLIGHT! GET HER!"

"...Dang..."

A group of prison guards then tackled Elpizo and they all disappeared in a cloud of dust, with 'KABLAM!' and 'POW!' literally appearing around the cloud as the group fought. "...She needs to learn to just shut up during stuff like this and maybe, just maybe, she won't get hurt." Zelda promptly said, masking her amusement at Elpizo's predicament.

Suddenly, a thunderous crack was heard.

"...So soon?" Eclipse groaned, as a group of Delsabers and other monsters immediately swarmed the entire group, headed for her. "Good grief!" a prison guard cried, firing his weapon at a few, the other guards also engaging the monsters. "AWESOME TECHNIC POWERS ACTIVATE!" Dawn cried, firing electricity at the monsters like the Sith Lord from Star Wars or Ernest after he sat on the electric chair in Ernest Goes to Jail. Whichever sounds cooler.

Oh dear gosh. Dawn's a Force. A _Force_. We're doomed...

Elpizo, the prison guards having left her alone, pulled out her Saber and clumsily began slashing at the monsters, Quirky doing the same. Eclipse and Leviathan had their guns shooting everything that wasn't one of their own or a prison guard. Zelda was practically in Destroyer Mode, tearing through the mob of monsters like a kid tearing through the box to a birthday present. Venus was busy whining while fumbling for her Dual Handguns. Finally, she managed to find them, and started firing, flinching as each blast left her weapons.

Now, I don't know how in Bananaville they did it, but everyone defeated the monsters and our heroes escaped being arrested. I seriously have no clue what happened.

"...I hate to admit it," Eclipse sighed as they walked back to the SCSSMT, "But Venus... You're actually good at shooting things... When you're not busy cowering, that is." Venus looked at her pathetically. "Thanks..." she replied, "I think..." Dawn held a smug grin on her face. "Told ya Venus was an awesome Ranger!" she cried, "But did you believe me? Noooo..." Eclipse ignored her.

Eventually, our heroes made it to the SCSSMT, which looked like some monsters had attacked it, as it looked far more banged up than how they left it. "...Ignoring that..." Eclipse started, "Now, where's our next destination?" Dawn then grinned like a freak and declared, "Why, Neudaiz of course! We gotta rescue Catie and Catrina!"

"Any idea where in Neudaiz they'd be?"

"Probably in a high-security prison, and in solitary confinement!"

"...Solitary confinement? I thought you said they're now sixteen, since the trial... The government put twelve-year-olds into _solitary confinement_? What kind of brain-washed, careless freaks put children into such conditions? I'm sorry, but that's the _epitome_ of idiocy and carelessness."

"Well... Catie and Catrina were a special case... Because of them, Neudaiz has to deal with giant mutant grapefruit and other mutants on a daily basis. See, they're the typical mad scientist and lab assistant."

"Giant...mutant..._grapefruit_? You know what? I'm through trying to make sense of this dimension! All that's done is hurt my processors... Anyways, I'm leaving for Neudaiz now."

Eclipse then walked off into the horizon, a group of monsters promptly pursuing her, though she paid them no heed. Zelda smiled at the display for some reason. "Well, all aboard the Dawn Express!" Dawn suddenly cried, running into the SCSSMT. "Oh no you don't!" Zelda roared, "I'm flying this thing!" Venus suddenly looked very pale, and she unwittingly grabbed Quirky and held him close in fear, effectively scaring _him_.

"I don't wanna die..." Elpizo whimpered, "I've still got plenty of years ahead of me!" She then broke down crying, her Mag staring at her like she was an alien that had possessed its master. Leviathan casually picked up the distraught Newman and carried her into the SCSSMT like a little child. "C'mon guys!" Leviathan declared in a sickeningly overly-cheery voice, "We can't let our fears conquer us! We'd be _nothing_ if we let that happen! No matter how terrifying Zelda may be, we must persevere!"

Crickets were heard chirping, then Quirky started clapping enthusiastically, shouting, "Yeah! Go team!"

Note: ...Just curious, but have I scared any potential reviewers away or something? Come on! I'd like to know if this monstrosity of an insane story is worth the effort I've been pouring into it... Anyways... *gets in baby buggy from Mario Kart and drives off* See ya next time!


End file.
